Where I am

So much for writing every week, huh?

I realise there aren’t many people following this blog (thank goodness – otherwise I’d feel guilty and accountable!) But for those who are here: thank you, and I hope to share more with you over the coming months.

There’s not a whole lot to report, really. I suppose the main reason I wasn’t writing as much was that the antidepressants were working so wonderfully and I’ve been feeling so great that I stopped spending so much time in my own mind, therefore having less to say on here and more living to do in the real world!

Once upon a time, I was a devout skeptic when it came to meds. At least, I knew I didn’t need them, as diet and exercise had always been enough for me to keep my demons at bay. I never doubted that for more serious conditions, meds were the way to go (alongside counselling and/or other therapeutic measures as directed by a medical professional).

Then last year, when my best efforts to combat this on my own resulted in little more than me feeling wracked with guilt for not eating or exercising perfectly, and I’d stopped sleeping for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time each night, I knew I had to try something. I was willing, at that point, for that something to include medication.

In the past 4 months, I’ve felt more awake than I did in the previous 12. One amusing result of that is I keep thinking I’ve only been living here with Jake for a few months, or that our first date was a year ago. It’s a wonderful thing to realise I’ve have almost two years with this wonderful man already; hopefully the next two are less tumultuous than the last, for his sake as well as mine!

Seriously though, I could go on for hours about how wonderful Jake is and how supportive he’s been. I won’t – but I could. For those who love me: rest assured, I am well taken care of when I can’t take care of myself. 

In short: the meds are working, I feel like myself and life feels bright and full of possibility again – no small feat.

I’ll leave you with a photoreel, some highlights from the past few months:

colouring
I hopped on the colouring train, and I gotta say, it’s been great. Doing something that doesn’t involve a screen, lets me be creative just for me, and create pretty pictures? Win!
easy finch sunrise
The sun! It’s made such a huge difference that the sun is up when I wake up now – especially for my early Monday starts. What a great way to start the week, right?
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My best friend Nancy and her boyfriend Alex came to visit for our birthdays at the beginning of April, which was so great. I miss her so much, but I’m so happy we’re both in such good places!
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My London friend-fam. I stood on the balcony where this photo was taken and looked down at this amazing group of people, thinking “wow, I can’t believe these people came together for MY birthday. I am so lucky.” Amazing to think I had so few friends nearby just a couple of years ago. #Blessed #ironichashtag
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Ran to the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral in April while Nancy and Alex explored the crypt. I felt like I was on top of the world!
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Trying to kick my butt back into gear (since it doesn’t fit into any of my summer shorts!)
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Also treating myself to a couple of cute new summer items to tide me over until my old clothes fit again. Dresses with pockets are my fave.
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Ripped a hole in one of the only pairs of trousers that fit me while playing a game of tag with Jake. Kind of a bummer (no pun intended) about the jeans, but I am so grateful to have the kind of relationship where we go to the playground and play tag. The couple who plays together, stays together 🙂
highgate woods
I sometimes get off the train one stop early on my way home from the office so I can walk through Highgate Wood. It makes me so happy to get a dose of nature after being in the city. This wood has become very special to me over the past couple of years.  This wood is where I came to cry when my depression was so bad I literally couldn’t make it all the way home before falling apart – I’d often spent all day holding myself together at the office, and the closer I got to home the more the pressure built up. I often had to let it out here to avoid breaking down on the train. Now, I see the light through the trees, instead of the shadows they cast. Hallelujah!

 

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